We Need Real Leaders, Not Bullies

From Arlington to a Trump rally to fresh news of Russian interference, Americans should recognize that the last thing we need is four more years of bullying behavior

“Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others.” (Photo by Chip Somodevilla via Getty Images)

Several days ago, I spoke with a restaurant owner who worked for several decades in one of Donald Trump’s New York buildings. He praised the tough-on-crime role of Rudy Giuliani when he was New York’s mayor, so I expected he would be a Trump supporter. Instead, he had one declarative sentence about his old boss. “He’s a bully,” he told me with disdain.

There are so many ways to describe the dysfunction of Trump and therefore his utter lack of fitness to ever again hold a position of leadership: malignant narcissist, sociopath, cognitive incompetent, conman, fraud, bigot, demagogue, sadist—just to name a few. But I think “bully” neatly encapsulates his mindset and his behavior—and the approach of his campaign operatives—and provides a clear path for how to measure and confront him in these next two months.

It’s hard to overstate how frequently he’s gotten away with lies and no accountability by employing the tools of fear, intimidation and a non-stop assault on knowable reality. This bullying has been on display over the last week in the Arlington National Cemetery desecration and response, as well as his obvious pleasure in watching one of his cult followers seek to attack the media at one of his rallies.

It was also reawakened by the breaking news Wednesday of the Justice Department confronting Russian interference in American elections and society. More on that later.

At Arlington, it’s not just the conviction that Trump and his nasty handlers have the right to flout federal law, exploit the cemetery’s sacred grounds for his political campaign and push aside an Arlington employee trying to stop them from filming there. It’s the personal attacks on that employee as a person (questioning her mental health), blaming her later for fearing retaliation if she filed charges (claiming she has “Trump derangement syndrome”), and then—once the criticisms mounted—blaming the victim and other Arlington staffers as “bad people” and even insisting there was no conflict and the controversy is all a hoax.

See how this works? The bully employs fear and intimidation—indeed physical abuse—to get what he wants, then denies anything untoward happened. The weak man who revels in abuse is determined to be seen as a strong man.

You might have missed the Trump follower trying to physically assault the media at a Pennsylvania rally last week—he was stopped by security. But Trump’s response in real time made clear that he’s all for violence to achieve his ends. As he watched the altercation unfold, he said, “That’s beautiful. That’s alright. That’s OK. No, he’s on our side.”

As the physical confrontation continued, Trump’s pleasure was unmissable. The whole episode was over in about a minute. Just imagine how much delight he took in watching on television hour after hour of violence at the U.S. Capitol on January 6.

Bullying is not complex, but it’s hard to overstate both its dangerous impact and what it says about the person who relishes it. Here’s how Psychology Today summarizes it: “Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. The deliberate targeting of those of lesser power is what distinguishes bullying from garden-variety aggression.”

We’ve seen this behavior play out on a mass scale at the highest levels, but it’s something that virtually every kid recognizes when it’s happening and may then deal with the trauma for decades afterward.

Let’s keep it simple. Here’s how KidsHealth explains it:

Bullying is a big problem that affects lots of kids. Most kids say they have been bullied or teased. Being bullied can make kids feel really bad, and the stress of dealing with it can make them feel sick.

Bullying can make kids not want to play outside or go to school. It's hard to keep your mind on schoolwork when you're worried about how you're going to deal with the bully near your locker.

Bullying bothers everyone—and not just the kids who are getting picked on. Bullying can make school a place of fear and can lead to violence and more stress for everyone.

And why do bullies behave like this?

Some bullies are looking for attention. They might think bullying is a way to be popular or to get what they want. Most bullies are trying to make themselves feel more important. When they pick on someone else, it can make them feel big and powerful.

The DOJ triggered déjà vu Wednesday with its blockbuster indictment of two Russians alleged to have funneled $10 million to an American right-wing media operation, later revealed to be Tenet Media in Tennessee reliant on MAGA-happy commentators pushing Kremlin talking points. Justice also seized 32 internet domains seeking to “covertly spread Russian government propaganda with the aim of reducing international support for Ukraine, bolstering pro-Russian policies and interests, and influencing voters in U.S. and foreign elections.”

These are domains, Attorney General Merrick Garland said, that “the Russian government and Russian government-sponsored actors have used to engage in a covert campaign to interfere in and influence the outcome of our country’s elections.” The Russians have sought “to promote disinformation and state-sponsored narratives as part of a campaign to influence the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election.”

These internet domains “secretly deployed to spread foreign malign influence,” added Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco, “demonstrates once again that Russia remains a predominant foreign threat to our elections.”

And this new revelation of the role of Russian operatives in our elections is a fresh reminder of how Trump bullied the public into a kind of numbness about Russian interference with his nonstop repetition that “Russia, Russia, Russia” is all a hoax and the investigation of this adversary and his campaign is a “witch hunt.”

How many people with knowledge were silenced out of fear of retaliation? How many Americans never confronted the issue because a bullying president’s repeated aggressions degraded the public’s capacity to know what’s true and false.

You don’t need me to tell you that such bullying causes stress, trauma and leads to violence and hate. The whole country has been held hostage to it for far too long. But as we look toward the so-called “debate” next Tuesday on Sept. 10, we can look forward to Kamala Harris revealing her opponent for what he is.

We all remember when Trump came up behind Hillary Clinton in their second debate, invading her space and seeking to create menace. She didn’t take the bait, but the large majority of voters were not ready then to see clearly what it represented if this bully got into the White House.

Clinton surely had Trump’s number in their third and final debate when she called him Putin’s “puppet” (and he childishly said when precisely measured, “No, you’re the puppet”). But VP Harris has what I think is a deeper message to get across now. She will discuss policy and display her fluency, but she also will have the chance both in her prosecution of her opponent and in her reactions to his inevitable aggression and bullying behavior to fully expose how tragically ill-equipped this abusive man is to hold any position requiring responsible leadership.

I’m counting on most viewers stepping away from this televised encounter with a clear recognition: We need a real leader who cares about people, not a bully.

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