There’s a running joke in my house that being a writer means having homework every day for the rest of your life. You’re never really off-duty. Honestly, I love it, and wouldn’t want it any other way.
Except my wife (a writer herself) will remind me, fairly regularly, that I should figure out how to relax. That usually comes after I’ve watched a news program or read some article or worked on something that has wound me up, making me angry or demoralized or in disbelief about the sorry state of the human species. I’m sorry to report that her strong admonition, couched in kind language meant to be friendly advice, too often falls on deaf ears.
I can’t ignore what’s happening, I’ll say. It’s not my fault that I can’t relax, I swear, trying to excuse myself by reminding her: There are terrible wars on multiple fronts; a malignant madman is trying to regain the levers of power; a wide network of enablers and cult followers are determined to help him; the institutions of democracy that we’ve counted on to secure the rule of law and provide justice seem unable to meet the moment; and did you hear what X or Y or Z just did?
But she is right. I’m not very good at relaxing. I love to listen to music (yes, that’s relaxing), and I bought an electric keyboard some time ago for taking breaks and distracting myself. I hate to admit that I haven’t turned it on in more than a year. (Did you hear about the GOP’s failure to put up a vote for Ukraine funding?)
So I ask this week’s question not because I’ve got the answers, although binge-watching a great TV series, or having a good dinner and a glass of wine, or hanging out with friends, or laughing with my daughters, or hiking in the mountains, or walking and walking city streets when I’m traveling, or conferring with my dog, or reading a page-turning novel—all these are on my list for what I find relaxing.
But I turn to you, dear readers, to enrich this discussion and provide me and each other your insights and experience. How do you relax? And are you finding it harder these days? I don’t need to remind you that we’ll all be less productive during this important year if we’re exhausted, so consider this question not just a pleasant distraction but a necessary curative to sustain our engagement.
As always, I look forward to reading your comments and the opportunity for our growing community to learn from each other. Please do be respectful in your remarks.
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Relaxing might be overrated. Perhaps you ask your wife why she is so relaxed when there is so much to work on.
You are a highly respected and qualified person. I’m glad you are doing the work that might get people motivated. I hope you enjoy your life and have fun, but I am not going to encourage you to relax. Keep at it. It is very important that you do.
Yes. I can see why it seems like you should take a break to your family. But I find that doing the work with others to save Democracy is very invigorating.
My friends and I work everyday writing postcards, hosting candidates and other speakers and raising money for our Giving Circle for The States Project (state legislatures). If anyone wants to join us here’s our info (I guess that’s not relaxing but we really do find it fun!)
Very true. I agree. I do find that engaging with other activitists and doing work to help elect Democrats up and down the ballot is more calming to me than doing something random that is not focused on that. I never watch news on TV. I read a lot of substacks and newspapers but I don’t want the stressful images in my head. Just the facts I guess! Those are bad enough.
Lorraine, thank you for asking. Actually, she just published her first novel, but it's in Finnish, so tough for you read, I suspect. But here's a link to the page talking about it and her (not yet in English):https://kirsimarjahayrinenbesch.com/ You can also read a handful of pieces she wrote that are part of a published series on survivors of extreme weather events in The New Republic: https://newrepublic.com/tags/voices-from-the-future
I am of same spirit like Steven. My Mother would tell me, "Allison, your name is not Jesus Christ." True enough, but when passion burns, its fire must be dealt with until the embers no longer smoke.
Batteries are an interesting analogy. In a car the way to recharge is to drive. But I get your point and my original comment wasn’t meant to never go out for a walk, meditate or exercise. We need to focus more on working better and reaching the people that are reachable. In these substacks the best we accomplish is giving readers in the choir good information to spread and ideas of what to do to raise voter enthusiasm.
I am a retired woman of 68 (as of today) and with all of the threats to our democracy as well as in other countries around the world, the climate crisis and all of the other big things to worry about, I find it very hard to relax. I don't drink much but I do find smoking a bit of cannabis in the late afternoon or evening helps some. If I can do that outside while enjoying a bit of nature, I am able to stop thinking about all of the horror in our government. Thank you for all you do. I appreciate you so much.
Jennifer, my humans have a lot of advice now that we’ve been together since September. They don’t watch MSNBC and CNN nearly as often as they used to, I’m told.
We got a 3-year-old rescue about 2-1/2 years ago. She very much helps us relax. But my wife and I are also choral singers and that definitely helps get the stress out!
Since we have to eat every day, I cook four or five times a week. Dinners, breads, and desserts. You have to concentrate, or it ends up in the garbage, or feeds the dog. With practice, you get pretty good, or the audience just gets used to your mistakes. Excellent way to refocus your attention.
Same here. My garden is the one place I don’t feel the intense stress of our political situation and world suffering. Otherwise I write a LOT of postcards to voters. It lowers my anxiety and makes me feel I’m having an effect no matter how small. We’ve won all but one election I wrote for (maybe 11?) and that’s encouraging!
The 4-7-8- breathing technique is very helpful. Another method is just taking the first step (like turning on the electric keyboard) and the rest will follow. I resist weeding the garden, but after the first step it's like a meditation by focusing on the plants and the results. And hearing the birds chirp, seeing the squirrels scamper around, observing the earthworms that emerge, the butterflies looking for nectar--all quite amazing, beautiful, and relaxing.
If relaxing is ever possible during the wars around us now I’ve rarely found it except in a beautiful piece of writing, poetry, catching music that grips me, hearing children laughing. Though the last sharpens my focus on what to do (who to support) in the coming elections.
We live in interesting but exhausting times.
You have an important voice, thank you for using it Steven.
Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! is a must for me. Nature and a really good book helps so much. If I can stop myself from going down a rabbit hole when with friends, meaning NOT bringing up politics or religion, that can be good for my soul too. Oh, and traveling. Traveling reminds me to be present to all the new things I am surrounded by.
I find that cannabis (smoking or eating in my case) makes a bit of mental drift possible. Makes it easier to stop focusing on the charged ideas that would normally dominate.
Our rational selves can't look away from existential threat. So I erase a bit of that rationality with cannabis, and for a little while, I can meditate on the pattern in a leaf instead of Trump.
A good dispensary can be a help in appropriate selections.
You are a “Chosen One” Steve. It is a sacrifice indeed, but many appreciate it. Without your passion and take, on this catastrophic world, I for one would be missing a light.
I might though, even relax more myself, lol- but doubtful since I include reading your work as well as other political information as part of my “relaxing”…
Last night we went to dinner with some fascinating people who we love, here in Palm Springs. One of the guys was in the army in Southern Rhodesia, at age 18, the subject of which arose, because his partner had a picture of him in uniform, on his screen-saver from that time.
That’s when the relaxing evening turned to reasons for that war, then ultimately, the state of our world now. The most deflating part was the general attitude from the majority, that we are in for it, if Trump wins, and so too if he loses. Not thinking about this prior, I was personally shaken by the realization that he won’t go away, even if he manages to lose. Think about it. He’s still here, and has been haunting us (incessantly) since the last time he lost. In fact as I ponder this- as a New Yorker, I’ve had to deal with hearing about his criminality and over-reach into other’s lives, for 45 years. UGH.
Yet, I digress. I do enjoy anything around a meal, including cooking, dining out, setting the table, making for a special time, of laughter, great conversation, and fun around a table- and I invite any conversation about current times, trends, fashion, art, personal history, family dynamics, and yes, politics.
I also like to work in the garden, love learning about the incredible journey of Cacti and other desert plants, and most recently love watching the humming bird couple, feed and care for their babies, right outside our porch.
Then of course there’s Lincoln. My best little bulldog buddy- who demands long walks and much affection.
I am a Designer by trade, so there’s always something to be done, for clients, friends family or home…
Life is busy. That’s the way it is. Try to relax Steve. We should all try. Even though, “Paris”, as they say “is burning.”
Marc, I agree there will still be “him” after he loses (and loses very badly) and probably armed insurrections in various places but ultimately he and those will bring us together as a majority and as our voting majority gets younger each year!
While not exactly “relaxation,” I find doing to the gym is meditative. I focus only on my form and breathing (and sometimes the women, of course), but when I am working out to music on Pandora, I don’t think about family illnesses, politics, finances, my to-do list, or anything else that’s causes agita.
There is no way to edit anything on Substack any longer. It used to be possible by using your browser(Substack.com)but they scotched that with their last update. Our only option now is to very carefully proofread before sending.
Oh dear Steven, your wife and I are in the same boat. I have brought up for discussion and a vote in our family the time of day rule - no reading of email or the news after dinner. I have to admit that though I am good at following this rule my husband is not.
The addendum to the rule is no politics or discussion of business in bed.
I find walking even in the worst weather relaxes me and I also listen to books while doing chores. I find both very relaxing and they both distract me from the insanity.
I am retired from academia, and so is my husband so volunteering helps focus us on the good in people. We have replaced work with fostering botttle fed kittens, volunteering with our county democratic committee, working at our community garden, and our churches food bank/farmers’ market.
Retirement leaves too much time to chew on the negative happenings.
We try to limit our intake of news, which helps - 3 newspapers, PBS News Hour, NPR in the morning, and Reuters for a weekly catch up on international news.
I have tried to get my husband to join me in my Yoga class, but no luck yet.
My favorite forms of relaxation and enjoyment always came from volunteering activities. Of note, National Park Service volunteering was uniformly wonderful! It started with a ranger-led briefing on the history and histories of the place, intros to the group members and then working in the glorious outdoors. From counting fish eggs in the tiny Saugus River to re-introducing native plants on the Boston Harbor Islands, I always returned home refreshed and with a new appreciation of my neighbors - fora, fauna and humans alike.
Reading a book the engrosses me is great to take my mind away from stresses. For me, however, nothing is better than singing with a group of friend, creating beautiful harmonies and breathing deeply.
Playing music; I’m a pianist, my husband a guitarist and bassist. We play for church and have to practice daily as we are volunteers and not professionals 😉
Hi Steven. Like you I find it difficult to relax with all that is happening today. Sometimes I get angry when someone tells me I need to learn how to relax. How can I relax when there is so much work to do to ensure we maintain our freedom. For me yard work is my escape. I love being outside working in the yard. The instant gratification is rewarding. The reason it works is I have a rule for myself, when I am working in the yard, no thoughts of work, the state of the nation or any thoughts that cause me stress. If my mind wonders to these subjects I immediately stop my thoughts and refocus to the task at hand. It’s become a habit. Now I need to find something that works when yard work isn’t possible.
Don't ask me, I am a writer married to an artist. We work together in a small "studio" wherein I must battle for space with paintings, drawings, and sculptures.
I have a hard time relaxing. But reading helps. And singing. And surfing. I’m fortunate to live near the ocean so looking at that every day brings some peace!!
I meditate. I had to teach myself to relax, because I have been wound up, worried, even frightened since the 2016 election. And of course its worse right now….for me and most people I know. A friend gave me a subscription to a program that teaches one to meditate. I laughed. Then I tried it. Its been 12 weeks now, that I daily wrench my schedule open for 15 minutes of deep breathing and silent calm. That has helped me balance my life better, get more exercise, work on projects that don’t directly relate to Democracy, and generally get some joy out of life in a frightening time. We’re all in this together, we have to sustain ourselves!
Turning on the tv can be a trigger to tension and anxiety but a great movie just like a good book can take me away from the world in crisis. I also find that working in the yard and flowers (back to nature) is frustrating (weeds) but satisfying when you get decent results. Listening to an interesting,apolitical podcast can also engage another part of my brain and that can be helpful.
I try to walk at least 2-3 miles at least four days per week. Each Sunday I go to "Pints & Poses", a yoga class at a local brewery where you get a wonderful local brew after an hour's class and setting up the tables. I've met great folks there who make me laugh and share chili-dusted dried mangoes. I haven't written anything in a terribly long time though I continue to research how my Mexican-born, naturalized mom joined the WAVES after her first husband was shot down over Romania in 1944. It's inspiring to read about the homefront efforts, yet even then, there were the traitorous America First movements to boggle the mind. I get stuck on the similarities, but I hope soon the words will flow again.
One day I saw the grackles. One by one they fell from the tree, looking stunned. After a few minutes they flew back into the tree only to fall out again. It woke me up to things beyond my stress-soaked thinking. Why had this happened? After some research I found that grackles like to get drunk on fermented fruit. It was the first of many gifts of wondering. But what else had I missed? I opened up and started looking - and soon discovered that every day offered another gift - a moment of wonder or beauty or just plain goofiness. And I discovered gratitude, which is one of the best cures for stress, cynicism, fear…. I highly recommend watching for falling grackles. You won’t be sorry.
Swimming hiking museums music. Not RELAXING but fun weekends with great grandson scouring Target for toys. Never enough toys- playgrounds. Parks and a nice dinosaur museum. All options!!! Mostly. Enjoying NATURE sky sunsets clouds!! Anything NOT politics!
Classical music is my go to when I’m stressed or any other time. It soothes me, and helps me through tough times. The other thing that helps is spending time with family and friends. Life is short, so I take every opportunity to visit with those I love.
I hear ya, Sharon! For me it's classic comedy films and hopping in my car, going for a long drive, cranking up the volume, and singing my heart out with The Beatles on the Sirius/XM The Beatles station. Laughter and The Beatles = My sanity and salvation.
senior ice hockey at age 68 is a big help: music of all kinds is invaluable: engaging with good people and good animals (mine is a English creme retriever) are invaluable and medically proven: painting or creative art of any kind is very soothing and actually incubates some fabulous political and other writing concepts without any conscious effort: any kind of meditation is very helpful, TM, "the relaxation response" etc all great: travel can be helpful too: BUT......
the work of trying to save this country and this planet continues per the DK Brooklyn entry below: we must try to leave later generations salvageable planet that can self sustain: I believe that starts with a restructure of the USA political system that is now completely owned by big $; I think the center will expand and be attracted to the right concepts but we better get the blueprint written and published soon:
essentially, remove money from politics but sourcing it for legit candidates who will run from the center and not run scared when the big killer lobbies try to $top them in their tracks from legislation to preserve the planet, enhance education and cooperation and tolerance, radically reduce violence (ie the raging fires of gun access)
political players should be able to live in their districts so they stay away from toxic DC and stay in touch with their constituents: work shattering amounts of money are transferred daily electronically and safely: there is no reason votes couldn't be conveyed in the same ways. the centrist party would support its candidates campaigns and people could learn about them on the internet, foregoing all this crazy negative advertising of all kinds.....
I have kept track of health markers in a notebook every morning since 2019 - weight, glucose, BP, oxygen level, number of steps the previous day - and I found it important to check blood pressure BEFORE I saw headlines in the paper. I like to walk and take bird photos, even just walking in the woods is theraputic (some countries call this forest bathing), along with a good read - there are so many wonderful writers these days! I used to play music with friends and there was always lots of laughter involved but covid put a stop to that so it's solitary pursuits (or with my wife ) now, at least we still make each other laugh, nothing like a kindred spirit to keep you connected.
Trying to relax is like trying not to think. You just end up unrelaxed about relaxing. I believe it's a Buddhists phrase, I use every day, multiple time a day... "Joyful participation in the sorrows of the world." It is truly a joy just being alive... I don't need anger to Work on making the world a better place... I just need to see what needs MY Work and move toward it in everything I do. At 85 I ask myself: What is mine that is left to do. Greg, a young man taught me a joyful lesson about living life.
Greg
The small plane circles above the California desert
At a height where oxygen is thin.
Greg is about to make his 2000th plus jump.
Now, with his best friend’s sister in tandem.
Sue’s adrenaline pumps, she chatters about nothing.
Greg rechecks the gear, as they latch together.
Door open, time open, only open space
They step off the plane and begin falling.
Arms stretch out, eagle sailing on air, free-fall grace…
Until Greg pulls the parachute cord. Nothing happens.
It’s a great question. And a great point. In the end, each of us can only do so much. And it is possible for things to go “sideways” even when everyone is trying to do the right thing. So we’re in for a rough year, and all the calm we can generate — by exercise, yoga, music, meditation, laughter or more — we’ll need.
But I rely on one thought to persevere: we can never know how widely or deeply our words and deeds will resonate with others — for good or ill. So all the good we can do, however small, is always worth it. Persevere. And register. And vote. It matters.
Hey, at my age, I am worried about the “Great Relaxation “!!! I try to walk twice a day around my subdivision ( about 1.5 miles), in the morning by myself and after lunch with my bride. The singing birds help. I also get my hands in the dirt which makes the worms happy. I admit to limiting my time with the talking heads as crap begins to flow downhill.
Read the book The Humming Effect by Goldman and Goldman. Humming apparently releases oxytocin which is a stress reliever. Thanks to everyone for great posts.
Creating things is very relaxing. You get away from the craziness in the world and you have made a thing. My favorites are writing and knitting. Reading can also get you away (if you pick the right books). Finally, I recommend nature or watching anything that makes you laugh.
I also get worked up about all the stupidity around me, especially with the Trump plot to destroy democracy. So I write about it in my substack but realize I am not getting any subscribers and that adds to the aggravation even more. When I can, I take time to go bake bread. Working on my sourdough technique takes my mind off of other things for a while. It makes me happy and I can eat the results.
i have a fender guitar And a keyboard i haven't touched in over a year too.. lol! i have to escape into my fantasy rpg gameworlds like elder scrolls online, where i have the satisfaction of dealing with threats & finding fun & humor with other players mmo style :) & most of all cats. kitty therapy, healing purrs & getting stuck with our girl alice on my keyboard demanding tummyrubs.. best thing there us! do you have a cat?
Sigh, at my age, almost completely reading. After the non-fiction I read to keep myself trying to figure out how the hell the country has gotten to where it is, I finish up with good old escape. I my case, mostly SF, with some mysteries. The SF I like is way more focused on world building than action, and that can sometimes get me back into the loop of "how the hell." But it does it in a tolerable way.
Is it harder to relax this way? Yes, because of allocation of time and concentration. I used to be able to read a good escape book for hours at a time. Now that's not so easy. Sometimes I think that my main relaxation is...sleep.
well, some is and some isn't. That's where the loop comes in. Certainly the Handmaid's Tale and 1984 are rather closer to possible than they were when written (even if neither thought of itself as SF by its authors). Even stories about distant planets or parallel universes can be explorations of what it would take to have whatever the bad thing involved happen. SF of the Golden Age usually had a hero sort everything out. Even THAT can be scary if it promotes an idea of "only I can fix it."
It's why I like time travel stories (not the romantic "wakes up in medieval Scotland" kind, but the ones that wrestle with the issues and paradoxes. ) And there IS insulation from our own lives in those distant planet/parallel universe stories that makes the exploration easier to process.
For one book that definitely takes you away to a "can't happen so have fun" place is John Scalzi's "Starter Villain." World domination thwarted by cats. It's delightful.
At the time, the focus was on Big Brother, and everyone thought Stalin, just as they interpret Animal Farm. But the meat of 1984 isn't about dictatorship per se or even the world of über surveillance, but about how perversion of LANGUAGE sets the stage for that world. The altering of history (that's Winston's JOB), the redefinition of words by sheer repetition. Orwell had written about this danger in essays too.
From some cloud somewhere he is undoubtedly saying "Told you so."
l was probably born anxious. My muscles are always tense. As a result I am one of the people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Supposedly 1/10th of persons worldwide have this condition, and I have had a severe case for more than 30 years. I've never tried cannabis, but if that might work to help me, at age 88 I'll try anything!
I do yoga, meditation and sing in a choir to relax. Reading fiction rather than just a steady diet of news helps too. But I feel like the world has gone steadily downhill since Trump was elected US president in 2016. I keep waiting for him to receive punishment for his many crimes. Instead all we hear about are delays of his many trials and stupid NYTimes stories that declare this criminal to be ahead of Biden in the polls. I weep for my country. It has lost its way and I am not sure it will get better anytime soon.
I took up knitting 15 years ago when my sister died of cancer. It was an outlet for my grief and a way to create something that required focus on the task at hand. It helps one’s subconscious sort through problems and issues at the same time. It lowers stress and your blood pressure, too! Very zen when you get in a rhythm.
Well, I think the ability to relax may be genetic in nature. According to my family I was born relaxed and almost never cried when I was a baby. Today,
I sometimes feel overwhelmed, but I’ve learned that
reading an engrossing novel does the trick for me.
It’s literally a “mind vacation.”
The key is to always have a good book going. Mysteries fill my mind because I’m always looking for a clue to help me figure out what’s going on, and stories about space and time travel fill my mind with intriguing possibilities. Novels with details about other modern or ancient cultures are fascinating to me. As DK said, it’s important to remember to have fun, because it’s easy to push yourself into working or thinking about working, especially if you’re a writer.
Sometimes relaxing just means not pushing so hard. Shutting your eyes, getting away from news and people, and listening to old songs which bring fun memories to mind. It’s hard to relax unless you make it a priority. Make a date with 5 minutes!
In another time of my life when the Type A Personality was a popular topic, friends would tease me about having a "Type Z" personality. In truth we were all some degree of "Type A" pursuing graduate degrees, working full-time, 7/24 jobs in tech industries, some raising families, and working in our marathon running, cycling, and hiking events. Movement, then and now (although these days it's walking, yoga, even house cleaning), has been the key for me to detach and relax.
We have 15 acres of land. When we bought it...it was all wild natural forest. We cleared just enough for my husband to have a big garden and many fruit trees. But left the rest for the deer and the wild critters. In that part we created winding mazes of walking trails. My favorite thing in life is to slowly walk those trails and look at the trees. The hip word is forest bathing but it really works to immediately shift and relax me.
Relaxing might be overrated. Perhaps you ask your wife why she is so relaxed when there is so much to work on.
You are a highly respected and qualified person. I’m glad you are doing the work that might get people motivated. I hope you enjoy your life and have fun, but I am not going to encourage you to relax. Keep at it. It is very important that you do.
This made me laugh. Thank you for the kind words.
Yes. I can see why it seems like you should take a break to your family. But I find that doing the work with others to save Democracy is very invigorating.
My friends and I work everyday writing postcards, hosting candidates and other speakers and raising money for our Giving Circle for The States Project (state legislatures). If anyone wants to join us here’s our info (I guess that’s not relaxing but we really do find it fun!)
https://linktr.ee/markersfordemocracy?fbclid=PAAabE7M7nv3kDmJjUQepmXO72JePClOLSe7QQatjfa4Z1UE540XUOi-R9FdI_aem_AR-opMdis1vH_1yG58jgcx3ASrO1BwCVR6z4GWTpzeY9HxGmkaCyM2vwatneLk7QAFE
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good and necessary work!
It IS fun. It's just very toxic right now, and ask the wars aren't helping.
Very true. I agree. I do find that engaging with other activitists and doing work to help elect Democrats up and down the ballot is more calming to me than doing something random that is not focused on that. I never watch news on TV. I read a lot of substacks and newspapers but I don’t want the stressful images in my head. Just the facts I guess! Those are bad enough.
Would it be out of line to ask for a link to your wife's work?
Lorraine, thank you for asking. Actually, she just published her first novel, but it's in Finnish, so tough for you read, I suspect. But here's a link to the page talking about it and her (not yet in English):https://kirsimarjahayrinenbesch.com/ You can also read a handful of pieces she wrote that are part of a published series on survivors of extreme weather events in The New Republic: https://newrepublic.com/tags/voices-from-the-future
Thanks for replying Steven! And you are correct in assuming I don't read Finnish. If it had been in French I would have been good.
Those extreme weather pieces look fantastic. Reading now.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I am of same spirit like Steven. My Mother would tell me, "Allison, your name is not Jesus Christ." True enough, but when passion burns, its fire must be dealt with until the embers no longer smoke.
Do you think anyone who doesn’t already agree with your ideas ever sees your work? Wish someone knew how to fix that!
The more the work is shared widely, the more who see it beyond all the ways I push it out through social media. So please share!
Gotta recharge your batteries though! Don’t want any burnout!
Batteries are an interesting analogy. In a car the way to recharge is to drive. But I get your point and my original comment wasn’t meant to never go out for a walk, meditate or exercise. We need to focus more on working better and reaching the people that are reachable. In these substacks the best we accomplish is giving readers in the choir good information to spread and ideas of what to do to raise voter enthusiasm.
I am a retired woman of 68 (as of today) and with all of the threats to our democracy as well as in other countries around the world, the climate crisis and all of the other big things to worry about, I find it very hard to relax. I don't drink much but I do find smoking a bit of cannabis in the late afternoon or evening helps some. If I can do that outside while enjoying a bit of nature, I am able to stop thinking about all of the horror in our government. Thank you for all you do. I appreciate you so much.
Thank you, Tanya.
How does cannibis relax you?
Ask your local retailer for a sativa strain.
Seriously?
Yes. At different times the effect is opposite on me. According to whatever emotion. Sometimes like speed. No relaxation. Medicine for me.
Well, we got a puppy. Now THAT is a distraction!
But then the puppy decided to launch his own Substack column.
JDudleyGilbert
Damn! That was a great response 😂.
Here you go! https://open.substack.com/pub/jdudleygilbert/p/i-can-swim?r=a0yl&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
ADORABLE!
😄
🤣🤣🤣
Yay! We're hoping to adopt a puppy or young dog soon, you. I'm sure you have your hands full!
Jennifer, my humans have a lot of advice now that we’ve been together since September. They don’t watch MSNBC and CNN nearly as often as they used to, I’m told.
I got a puppy who's now 5 months old. What a distraction!!!
We got a 3-year-old rescue about 2-1/2 years ago. She very much helps us relax. But my wife and I are also choral singers and that definitely helps get the stress out!
Does your puppy write a column on Substack?
Since we have to eat every day, I cook four or five times a week. Dinners, breads, and desserts. You have to concentrate, or it ends up in the garbage, or feeds the dog. With practice, you get pretty good, or the audience just gets used to your mistakes. Excellent way to refocus your attention.
Taking care of my garden. Planning, planting and caring for the garden is all about a better future.
Same here.
Same here. My garden is the one place I don’t feel the intense stress of our political situation and world suffering. Otherwise I write a LOT of postcards to voters. It lowers my anxiety and makes me feel I’m having an effect no matter how small. We’ve won all but one election I wrote for (maybe 11?) and that’s encouraging!
The 4-7-8- breathing technique is very helpful. Another method is just taking the first step (like turning on the electric keyboard) and the rest will follow. I resist weeding the garden, but after the first step it's like a meditation by focusing on the plants and the results. And hearing the birds chirp, seeing the squirrels scamper around, observing the earthworms that emerge, the butterflies looking for nectar--all quite amazing, beautiful, and relaxing.
Ruth: What is 478?
Ira, here are the steps to 4-7-8 breathing:
1. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
2. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
3. Hold your breath for a count of seven.
4. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight. ...
5. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.
Check out Dr. Andrew Weil's video: https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/body-mind-spirit/stress-anxiety/breathing-three-exercises/
If relaxing is ever possible during the wars around us now I’ve rarely found it except in a beautiful piece of writing, poetry, catching music that grips me, hearing children laughing. Though the last sharpens my focus on what to do (who to support) in the coming elections.
We live in interesting but exhausting times.
You have an important voice, thank you for using it Steven.
Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! is a must for me. Nature and a really good book helps so much. If I can stop myself from going down a rabbit hole when with friends, meaning NOT bringing up politics or religion, that can be good for my soul too. Oh, and traveling. Traveling reminds me to be present to all the new things I am surrounded by.
Nature is the best medicine.
I play clarinet every evening after dinner. Scales, band music, Klezmer. Then I read or stream a movie. I save panic for breakfast.
I find that cannabis (smoking or eating in my case) makes a bit of mental drift possible. Makes it easier to stop focusing on the charged ideas that would normally dominate.
Our rational selves can't look away from existential threat. So I erase a bit of that rationality with cannabis, and for a little while, I can meditate on the pattern in a leaf instead of Trump.
A good dispensary can be a help in appropriate selections.
I was gonna say that.
Me too.
Same, same, same!
You are a “Chosen One” Steve. It is a sacrifice indeed, but many appreciate it. Without your passion and take, on this catastrophic world, I for one would be missing a light.
I might though, even relax more myself, lol- but doubtful since I include reading your work as well as other political information as part of my “relaxing”…
Last night we went to dinner with some fascinating people who we love, here in Palm Springs. One of the guys was in the army in Southern Rhodesia, at age 18, the subject of which arose, because his partner had a picture of him in uniform, on his screen-saver from that time.
That’s when the relaxing evening turned to reasons for that war, then ultimately, the state of our world now. The most deflating part was the general attitude from the majority, that we are in for it, if Trump wins, and so too if he loses. Not thinking about this prior, I was personally shaken by the realization that he won’t go away, even if he manages to lose. Think about it. He’s still here, and has been haunting us (incessantly) since the last time he lost. In fact as I ponder this- as a New Yorker, I’ve had to deal with hearing about his criminality and over-reach into other’s lives, for 45 years. UGH.
Yet, I digress. I do enjoy anything around a meal, including cooking, dining out, setting the table, making for a special time, of laughter, great conversation, and fun around a table- and I invite any conversation about current times, trends, fashion, art, personal history, family dynamics, and yes, politics.
I also like to work in the garden, love learning about the incredible journey of Cacti and other desert plants, and most recently love watching the humming bird couple, feed and care for their babies, right outside our porch.
Then of course there’s Lincoln. My best little bulldog buddy- who demands long walks and much affection.
I am a Designer by trade, so there’s always something to be done, for clients, friends family or home…
Life is busy. That’s the way it is. Try to relax Steve. We should all try. Even though, “Paris”, as they say “is burning.”
Thank you so much for caring.
And thank you for sharing here, Marc.
Marc, I agree there will still be “him” after he loses (and loses very badly) and probably armed insurrections in various places but ultimately he and those will bring us together as a majority and as our voting majority gets younger each year!
While not exactly “relaxation,” I find doing to the gym is meditative. I focus only on my form and breathing (and sometimes the women, of course), but when I am working out to music on Pandora, I don’t think about family illnesses, politics, finances, my to-do list, or anything else that’s causes agita.
I meant “going to the gym”, not “doing”. There seems to be no way to edit a reply once it is sent.
There is no way to edit anything on Substack any longer. It used to be possible by using your browser(Substack.com)but they scotched that with their last update. Our only option now is to very carefully proofread before sending.
Thx
Marc, try clicking on the three dots to the bottom right of your entry. There you have an option to Edit. I edited my above post today--no problem.
Respectfully, what does "(and sometimes the women, of course)" mean?
I tried to edit my comment to delete the reference but I cannot do it.
It means that at the gym I can’t help but notice attractive women.
Feel free to do so while developing a new understanding that it is very offensive to women to say so in a public forum.
Thanks. Understood.
Oh. Well I'm sure you make every effort to be attractive at the gym, too.
I doubt that at 78 years old I would be attractive in a gym!
Oh dear Steven, your wife and I are in the same boat. I have brought up for discussion and a vote in our family the time of day rule - no reading of email or the news after dinner. I have to admit that though I am good at following this rule my husband is not.
The addendum to the rule is no politics or discussion of business in bed.
I find walking even in the worst weather relaxes me and I also listen to books while doing chores. I find both very relaxing and they both distract me from the insanity.
I am retired from academia, and so is my husband so volunteering helps focus us on the good in people. We have replaced work with fostering botttle fed kittens, volunteering with our county democratic committee, working at our community garden, and our churches food bank/farmers’ market.
Retirement leaves too much time to chew on the negative happenings.
We try to limit our intake of news, which helps - 3 newspapers, PBS News Hour, NPR in the morning, and Reuters for a weekly catch up on international news.
I have tried to get my husband to join me in my Yoga class, but no luck yet.
My favorite forms of relaxation and enjoyment always came from volunteering activities. Of note, National Park Service volunteering was uniformly wonderful! It started with a ranger-led briefing on the history and histories of the place, intros to the group members and then working in the glorious outdoors. From counting fish eggs in the tiny Saugus River to re-introducing native plants on the Boston Harbor Islands, I always returned home refreshed and with a new appreciation of my neighbors - fora, fauna and humans alike.
Reading a book the engrosses me is great to take my mind away from stresses. For me, however, nothing is better than singing with a group of friend, creating beautiful harmonies and breathing deeply.
Playing music; I’m a pianist, my husband a guitarist and bassist. We play for church and have to practice daily as we are volunteers and not professionals 😉
Hi Steven. Like you I find it difficult to relax with all that is happening today. Sometimes I get angry when someone tells me I need to learn how to relax. How can I relax when there is so much work to do to ensure we maintain our freedom. For me yard work is my escape. I love being outside working in the yard. The instant gratification is rewarding. The reason it works is I have a rule for myself, when I am working in the yard, no thoughts of work, the state of the nation or any thoughts that cause me stress. If my mind wonders to these subjects I immediately stop my thoughts and refocus to the task at hand. It’s become a habit. Now I need to find something that works when yard work isn’t possible.
Don't ask me, I am a writer married to an artist. We work together in a small "studio" wherein I must battle for space with paintings, drawings, and sculptures.
My husband and I used to share a studio. I loved it.
I have a hard time relaxing. But reading helps. And singing. And surfing. I’m fortunate to live near the ocean so looking at that every day brings some peace!!
I meditate. I had to teach myself to relax, because I have been wound up, worried, even frightened since the 2016 election. And of course its worse right now….for me and most people I know. A friend gave me a subscription to a program that teaches one to meditate. I laughed. Then I tried it. Its been 12 weeks now, that I daily wrench my schedule open for 15 minutes of deep breathing and silent calm. That has helped me balance my life better, get more exercise, work on projects that don’t directly relate to Democracy, and generally get some joy out of life in a frightening time. We’re all in this together, we have to sustain ourselves!
Turning on the tv can be a trigger to tension and anxiety but a great movie just like a good book can take me away from the world in crisis. I also find that working in the yard and flowers (back to nature) is frustrating (weeds) but satisfying when you get decent results. Listening to an interesting,apolitical podcast can also engage another part of my brain and that can be helpful.
Just start RELAXING AND I MEAN NOW!
I try to walk at least 2-3 miles at least four days per week. Each Sunday I go to "Pints & Poses", a yoga class at a local brewery where you get a wonderful local brew after an hour's class and setting up the tables. I've met great folks there who make me laugh and share chili-dusted dried mangoes. I haven't written anything in a terribly long time though I continue to research how my Mexican-born, naturalized mom joined the WAVES after her first husband was shot down over Romania in 1944. It's inspiring to read about the homefront efforts, yet even then, there were the traitorous America First movements to boggle the mind. I get stuck on the similarities, but I hope soon the words will flow again.
One day I saw the grackles. One by one they fell from the tree, looking stunned. After a few minutes they flew back into the tree only to fall out again. It woke me up to things beyond my stress-soaked thinking. Why had this happened? After some research I found that grackles like to get drunk on fermented fruit. It was the first of many gifts of wondering. But what else had I missed? I opened up and started looking - and soon discovered that every day offered another gift - a moment of wonder or beauty or just plain goofiness. And I discovered gratitude, which is one of the best cures for stress, cynicism, fear…. I highly recommend watching for falling grackles. You won’t be sorry.
I love the relaxation techniques you describe. I find walking meditative and long walks help me clear my head.
Swimming hiking museums music. Not RELAXING but fun weekends with great grandson scouring Target for toys. Never enough toys- playgrounds. Parks and a nice dinosaur museum. All options!!! Mostly. Enjoying NATURE sky sunsets clouds!! Anything NOT politics!
I weed and care for my roses -- hard on these old hands but good "think time."
Thanks Steve once again for stimulating conversation!
Exercising vigorously- I do it everyday... then I can relax
Classical music is my go to when I’m stressed or any other time. It soothes me, and helps me through tough times. The other thing that helps is spending time with family and friends. Life is short, so I take every opportunity to visit with those I love.
I hear ya, Sharon! For me it's classic comedy films and hopping in my car, going for a long drive, cranking up the volume, and singing my heart out with The Beatles on the Sirius/XM The Beatles station. Laughter and The Beatles = My sanity and salvation.
I turn it all off... for short periods of time. No TV. No skimming my news feeds. No reacting to what the Orange Man just said or did.
Sometimes I can only turn it off for a few hours ... or a day.
But, it always helps.
Keep up the good work you do, but... please find ways to take "mini-breaks."
senior ice hockey at age 68 is a big help: music of all kinds is invaluable: engaging with good people and good animals (mine is a English creme retriever) are invaluable and medically proven: painting or creative art of any kind is very soothing and actually incubates some fabulous political and other writing concepts without any conscious effort: any kind of meditation is very helpful, TM, "the relaxation response" etc all great: travel can be helpful too: BUT......
the work of trying to save this country and this planet continues per the DK Brooklyn entry below: we must try to leave later generations salvageable planet that can self sustain: I believe that starts with a restructure of the USA political system that is now completely owned by big $; I think the center will expand and be attracted to the right concepts but we better get the blueprint written and published soon:
essentially, remove money from politics but sourcing it for legit candidates who will run from the center and not run scared when the big killer lobbies try to $top them in their tracks from legislation to preserve the planet, enhance education and cooperation and tolerance, radically reduce violence (ie the raging fires of gun access)
political players should be able to live in their districts so they stay away from toxic DC and stay in touch with their constituents: work shattering amounts of money are transferred daily electronically and safely: there is no reason votes couldn't be conveyed in the same ways. the centrist party would support its candidates campaigns and people could learn about them on the internet, foregoing all this crazy negative advertising of all kinds.....
STAY THE COURSE....WE SHALL OVERCOME
I have kept track of health markers in a notebook every morning since 2019 - weight, glucose, BP, oxygen level, number of steps the previous day - and I found it important to check blood pressure BEFORE I saw headlines in the paper. I like to walk and take bird photos, even just walking in the woods is theraputic (some countries call this forest bathing), along with a good read - there are so many wonderful writers these days! I used to play music with friends and there was always lots of laughter involved but covid put a stop to that so it's solitary pursuits (or with my wife ) now, at least we still make each other laugh, nothing like a kindred spirit to keep you connected.
Trying to relax is like trying not to think. You just end up unrelaxed about relaxing. I believe it's a Buddhists phrase, I use every day, multiple time a day... "Joyful participation in the sorrows of the world." It is truly a joy just being alive... I don't need anger to Work on making the world a better place... I just need to see what needs MY Work and move toward it in everything I do. At 85 I ask myself: What is mine that is left to do. Greg, a young man taught me a joyful lesson about living life.
Greg
The small plane circles above the California desert
At a height where oxygen is thin.
Greg is about to make his 2000th plus jump.
Now, with his best friend’s sister in tandem.
Sue’s adrenaline pumps, she chatters about nothing.
Greg rechecks the gear, as they latch together.
Door open, time open, only open space
They step off the plane and begin falling.
Arms stretch out, eagle sailing on air, free-fall grace…
Until Greg pulls the parachute cord. Nothing happens.
Detaching that life, Greg yanks the second rope.
Hope be gone, the second chute’s lines tangle.
Ground rushing up to meet them, Greg struggles.
Too close, he flips them over, so Sue is face up.
Greg, aware, knew her only hope was the shield
Of his body… what was his, that was left to do.
It’s a great question. And a great point. In the end, each of us can only do so much. And it is possible for things to go “sideways” even when everyone is trying to do the right thing. So we’re in for a rough year, and all the calm we can generate — by exercise, yoga, music, meditation, laughter or more — we’ll need.
But I rely on one thought to persevere: we can never know how widely or deeply our words and deeds will resonate with others — for good or ill. So all the good we can do, however small, is always worth it. Persevere. And register. And vote. It matters.
Hey, at my age, I am worried about the “Great Relaxation “!!! I try to walk twice a day around my subdivision ( about 1.5 miles), in the morning by myself and after lunch with my bride. The singing birds help. I also get my hands in the dirt which makes the worms happy. I admit to limiting my time with the talking heads as crap begins to flow downhill.
Read the book The Humming Effect by Goldman and Goldman. Humming apparently releases oxytocin which is a stress reliever. Thanks to everyone for great posts.
Creating things is very relaxing. You get away from the craziness in the world and you have made a thing. My favorites are writing and knitting. Reading can also get you away (if you pick the right books). Finally, I recommend nature or watching anything that makes you laugh.
I also get worked up about all the stupidity around me, especially with the Trump plot to destroy democracy. So I write about it in my substack but realize I am not getting any subscribers and that adds to the aggravation even more. When I can, I take time to go bake bread. Working on my sourdough technique takes my mind off of other things for a while. It makes me happy and I can eat the results.
I especially like "and I can eat the results" - slathered with butter, I hope!
Thanks for the comment. Yes, butter, or bacon and tomato!
I'm in the same boat. I have a small following and only two pairs subscribers. That's ok, though. I enjoy writing about it.
Thanks for the comment. I'm going to subscribe. I like maple syrup!
Thanks! We're done for the season. Got 1 1/4 gallon, I think! We only tapped six trees this year.
*paid subscribers
In nice weather I sit on my deck overlooking a small lake, feel the breeze, listen to the birds and let my mind float.
i have a fender guitar And a keyboard i haven't touched in over a year too.. lol! i have to escape into my fantasy rpg gameworlds like elder scrolls online, where i have the satisfaction of dealing with threats & finding fun & humor with other players mmo style :) & most of all cats. kitty therapy, healing purrs & getting stuck with our girl alice on my keyboard demanding tummyrubs.. best thing there us! do you have a cat?
Cat therapy is the best. I'm trapped by my girl Marbles as I write this.
<3
Sigh, at my age, almost completely reading. After the non-fiction I read to keep myself trying to figure out how the hell the country has gotten to where it is, I finish up with good old escape. I my case, mostly SF, with some mysteries. The SF I like is way more focused on world building than action, and that can sometimes get me back into the loop of "how the hell." But it does it in a tolerable way.
Is it harder to relax this way? Yes, because of allocation of time and concentration. I used to be able to read a good escape book for hours at a time. Now that's not so easy. Sometimes I think that my main relaxation is...sleep.
well, some is and some isn't. That's where the loop comes in. Certainly the Handmaid's Tale and 1984 are rather closer to possible than they were when written (even if neither thought of itself as SF by its authors). Even stories about distant planets or parallel universes can be explorations of what it would take to have whatever the bad thing involved happen. SF of the Golden Age usually had a hero sort everything out. Even THAT can be scary if it promotes an idea of "only I can fix it."
It's why I like time travel stories (not the romantic "wakes up in medieval Scotland" kind, but the ones that wrestle with the issues and paradoxes. ) And there IS insulation from our own lives in those distant planet/parallel universe stories that makes the exploration easier to process.
For one book that definitely takes you away to a "can't happen so have fun" place is John Scalzi's "Starter Villain." World domination thwarted by cats. It's delightful.
At the time, the focus was on Big Brother, and everyone thought Stalin, just as they interpret Animal Farm. But the meat of 1984 isn't about dictatorship per se or even the world of über surveillance, but about how perversion of LANGUAGE sets the stage for that world. The altering of history (that's Winston's JOB), the redefinition of words by sheer repetition. Orwell had written about this danger in essays too.
From some cloud somewhere he is undoubtedly saying "Told you so."
l was probably born anxious. My muscles are always tense. As a result I am one of the people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Supposedly 1/10th of persons worldwide have this condition, and I have had a severe case for more than 30 years. I've never tried cannabis, but if that might work to help me, at age 88 I'll try anything!
I do yoga, meditation and sing in a choir to relax. Reading fiction rather than just a steady diet of news helps too. But I feel like the world has gone steadily downhill since Trump was elected US president in 2016. I keep waiting for him to receive punishment for his many crimes. Instead all we hear about are delays of his many trials and stupid NYTimes stories that declare this criminal to be ahead of Biden in the polls. I weep for my country. It has lost its way and I am not sure it will get better anytime soon.
Work in the garden! Exercise! Walk my dog! Ski!
I took up knitting 15 years ago when my sister died of cancer. It was an outlet for my grief and a way to create something that required focus on the task at hand. It helps one’s subconscious sort through problems and issues at the same time. It lowers stress and your blood pressure, too! Very zen when you get in a rhythm.
* Listen to baseball on the radio
* Scroll through photos of my three-year old Great-Nephew
* Ride the ferry (just to be on the water, not for transportation)
* Enjoy a good sipping tequila
* Stroll through Trader Joe’s. Leave with bags full of nothing on my list
* Laundry (really!)
Well, I think the ability to relax may be genetic in nature. According to my family I was born relaxed and almost never cried when I was a baby. Today,
I sometimes feel overwhelmed, but I’ve learned that
reading an engrossing novel does the trick for me.
It’s literally a “mind vacation.”
The key is to always have a good book going. Mysteries fill my mind because I’m always looking for a clue to help me figure out what’s going on, and stories about space and time travel fill my mind with intriguing possibilities. Novels with details about other modern or ancient cultures are fascinating to me. As DK said, it’s important to remember to have fun, because it’s easy to push yourself into working or thinking about working, especially if you’re a writer.
I read something new, or have it read to me while ellipsising
I also co-run a song circle where we get together to sing the folk cannon, Rise Up and Sing!
Sometimes relaxing just means not pushing so hard. Shutting your eyes, getting away from news and people, and listening to old songs which bring fun memories to mind. It’s hard to relax unless you make it a priority. Make a date with 5 minutes!
In another time of my life when the Type A Personality was a popular topic, friends would tease me about having a "Type Z" personality. In truth we were all some degree of "Type A" pursuing graduate degrees, working full-time, 7/24 jobs in tech industries, some raising families, and working in our marathon running, cycling, and hiking events. Movement, then and now (although these days it's walking, yoga, even house cleaning), has been the key for me to detach and relax.
We have 15 acres of land. When we bought it...it was all wild natural forest. We cleared just enough for my husband to have a big garden and many fruit trees. But left the rest for the deer and the wild critters. In that part we created winding mazes of walking trails. My favorite thing in life is to slowly walk those trails and look at the trees. The hip word is forest bathing but it really works to immediately shift and relax me.