What Qualities Do You Want in a Leader?

A Saturday Prompt

A long time ago: President Barack Obama greets his dog Bo outside the Oval Office on March 15, 2012. (Photo by Martin H. Simon-Pool/Getty Images)

As Trump’s villainous version of America moves into its second week of war, I promised myself that I would not write a prompt detailing all the horrendous qualities that define the man who occupies our White House. (His latest egregious demand to Iran: “Unconditional surrender.” The response by Masoud Pezeshkian, Iran’s president: It’s “a dream they should take to their grave.”)

But I do want to share with you a short excerpt from an essay that I wrote nearly a year ago that depicts a telling anecdote from 2017. This was two weeks after Donald Trump was inaugurated during a Fox interview by Bill O’Reilly that aired just before the Super Bowl:

Trump tells O’Reilly that he respects Russian President Vladimir Putin, then gives one of his usual non-answers when asked why: “I respect a lot of people.”

But it was Trump’s reply to O’Reilly’s followup that has stuck with me.

O’Reilly: “But he’s a killer though—Putin’s a killer.”

Trump: “There are a lot of killers. We’ve got a lot of killers. What do you think? Our country’s so innocent?”

As I explain in that essay, the takeaway here was not that Trump desired a relationship with Putin, but what that desire told us about Trump’s character and what kind of leader he wanted to be. “What I’ve come to understand is that Trump’s comments had less to do with defending Putin or condemning America,” I wrote, “than giving voice to our country’s worst impulses—and his desire to inflict chaos and harm with reckless abandon.”

I also noted the characteristics that he was modeling for other Republicans, especially his “leadership” team who yearned to be in his circle of power. Thats why I called the essay “Free To Be Their Worst Selves.”

Never apologize. Never admit a mistake. Never admit guilt. Never show weakness by actually being sorry. Never acknowledge the pain and suffering your regime’s policies will cause real people.

The now-removed dog killer Kristi Noem got that message. Killer Pete at the Defense Department got that message. The soulless protector of child rapists Pam Bondi gets the message, a thousand Epstein victims be damned.

In war zealot Hegseth’s case, that means minimizing the significance of 175 schoolgirls and other Iranian civilians being murdered by a likely U.S. missile strike or insisting that reporter questions about dead American soldiers are just an attempt to “make the president look bad.”

The equation is simple for Putinesque thugs like Hegseth and his boss: Might makes right. That’s the belligerent America they are modeling for all the world to see and suffer. They never grasped that having the world’s largest and most powerful military enables you to not use it.

But let’s not dwell there. Let’s use their morally and politically rotten example as an opportunity to reflect on the qualities that we do want in leaders—qualities that we should demand when we protest in the streets, speak out online and cast a ballot this year and in 2028.

That includes compassion and kindness—never forgetting the human dimension when deciding on policy and responding to disasters and the loss of life. That means knowing that kindness makes you stronger, not weaker, and having a dog reminds you of that. (No, I won’t go on about Trump’s hostility to dogs.)

Here’s how Barack Obama put it in 2019 when giving a eulogy at the funeral of Rep. Elijah Cummings:

There's nothing weak about kindness and compassion. There's nothing weak about looking out for others. There's nothing weak about being honorable. You're not a sucker to have integrity and to treat others with respect.

I think the list also includes intelligence and curiosity, which means you will make better decisions because you’ll genuinely seek out good advice and not fear people who are smarter than you are. Those same qualities also typically lead to a genuine sense of humor, which both lightens our burden and reminds us that the leader is not so stunted that they have only one gear.

Can we be sure that our list also includes the capacity for love and friendship? Remember when the White House was inhabited by Barack and Michelle Obama? Joe and Jill Biden? Two married couples that actually loved each other and enjoyed each other’s company? It probably feels like a lifetime ago.

Let me add generosity—in all its dimensions: in relations with others, in policymaking that takes into account the common good, in recognizing our responsibility to our fellow humans. Which means grasping, in Shakespeare’s words, “the more I give to thee, the more I have.”

As cruel and violent, as sadistic and deadly, as hateful and bigoted as these times are, it becomes even more important to remember what we value and what ideals we need to regain our democratic society. By holding dear to what we expect, liberty’s light can be rekindled.

In that world, Emma Lazarus’ poetry inscribed at the foot of Lady Liberty—“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”—doesn’t sound like a sucker’s promise, but a proud and generous nation’s strong belief in its role as a beacon of hope and a welcoming place for all.

So what do you think? What qualities do you want in a leader? Please add to my list. And please do give examples, both of leaders that you admire or people you know who embody these needed qualities.

As always, I look forward to reading your observations and the opportunity for our America, America community to learn from each other. Please do be respectful in your remarks. Trolling will not be tolerated.

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